FREE: Why I'm Not a Christian Anymore, Part 1

Sunday Soul Care for January 15, 2023

just out here snackin in the spiritual wilderness

Hey everyone,

Welcome to Sunday Soul Care. It’s been rainy out here in California (though my little corner of it has missed the most destructive flooding) and I know I’m not the only one dealing with extreme weather. Hope all of you out there are staying warm or dry or cool or whatever your situation requires.

If you’re new to Sunday Soul Care, I’m so glad you’re here. These emails are crafted to offer a bit of outside-the-box thinking about spirituality in progress. And today I'm sharing a big progression of my own.

Over the last year I’ve realized with increasing clarity that my self-identification with the word “Christian” has come to an end. It’s a heavy realization, and one that has caused some mourning, wistfulness and even fear.

I’ve hinted at this progression and have even said it overtly, but it has always been buried juuuust a little ways down in a caption or an email or a blog post. I haven’t really come over the top to declare, “MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PEOPLE: I am not a Christian anymore.” 

Just like saying, “I’m a Christian” can be easily misunderstood with negative assumptions, saying “I’m not a Christian anymore” can also be easily misunderstood with negative assumptions. I've wanted a chance to explain my reasons so that those most shocked by the statement can understand why, and how it's coming not from a place of me wanting to burn it all to the ground and grab my devil horns for the remainder of my life, but how to me, it's really the natural outflow of my entire Christian journey up til now.

For the rest of January, I’ll share why I’ve decided to drop the label “Christian” for myself. I won’t be advocating for anyone else to stop being a Christian, or mocking or criticizing anyone who chooses to keep that label. I'll simply share what it can look like for someone (me) to lose their religion without losing their soul.

I hope you find it interesting and/or helpful, whether you’re personally keeping the label or not.

THOUGHT

Reason #1: I no longer wish to identify myself with the culture or history of Christianity.

In a global sense, it's likely I would still be considered a Christian because I am a white American who celebrates Christmas and Easter. I am okay with this and don’t feel the need to check different boxes on any visa paperwork.

I even bet that somewhere within the large framework of Christian orthodoxy, you could find evidence for cataloguing my current beliefs into some form of Christianity, even if it has lots of mystical asterisks and caveats attached. For a long time, and like many of you choose to do, I broadened my definition of Christian so that I could continue including myself in its umbrella.

But in the conversational, localized area where I live, and in the algorithmic streams I frequent online, I have decided I don’t want to spend any more energy clarifying what "kind of Christian” I am.

This week @thenewevangelicals wore a shirt that said, “I’m a love your neighbor kind of Christian not a storm the Capitol kind of Christian.” I’m SO GRATEFUL that there are people fighting to maintain some sense of decency in the Christian reputation. But I’ve decided I don’t need to be one of them.

Personally, I’m tired of carrying all the baggage that goes with being a Christian. I know this is changing and that progressive Christianity is shaking things up, and I also know that changing my label doesn't excuse me from responsibility for the individual and institutional harm I caused while wearing that label. But in my real life in the Bible Belt that is Orange County, California, if I say I'm a Christian it's just a lot of the same old, same old expectations.

I'm tired of people assuming that I vote a particular way, that I go to church every week, or that I think the Bible is authoritative and that Jesus is the answer for everything. I'm tired of going out to dinner with “Christians” and sitting down and holding hands and praying for our food with a side-eye to see if anyone’s watching, and then feeling mortified when my dinner mates loudly espouse an offensive ideology. 

I’m tired of feeling like I have to keep apologizing for and enabling sullen, angry, small-minded and stingy people because they are my “brothers and sisters in Christ.” I can have empathy for their wounded story, I will interact with them with respect and kindness and appropriate boundaries, but I no longer want to be considered their family. I do not want to have to make allowances for bad people because they also claim Jesus as their Lord.

I'm tired of representing an institution, even if just in name and not practice, that has so many members currently and visibly doing bad things, and that has caused so much harm to you all: the people I have to come to care for and respect so deeply. If it comes down to choosing between the system and you, I PICK YOU.

Beyond the cultural concerns, I’ve also simply lost interest in the traditions and history of Christianity. All these significant moments in Christian history just seem arbitrary to me now. The councils that determined the Biblical canon… ultimately, wasn't that just a bunch of privileged men sitting around deciding for everyone else what God said? The sacraments of Communion and baptism… ultimately, aren't those also debated over and used as superstitious weapons to “other” people?

I'm just overall disgusted with the historic institution of Christianity as much as I’m disgusted with the present institution of Christianity. I don’t see how priests and popes of centuries past wearing gold-spun robes while preaching against vanity and arrogance is any different than Steven Furtick swaggering around in Air Jordans preaching to his megachurch about how God uses small, humble things to do his work.

I know that for every reason I've given above for why I'm leaving, some of you have an equally legitimate reason why you're staying. But that's just it… I'm tired of having to do so much arguing and explaining to make this religion fit. It's like a shoe that I want SO BADLY to fit, and I think if I just curl this toe a tiny bit or break them in a little more or scrunch up the sock here… but the truth is, it just doesn't fit me anymore. There's too much broken history. Too much abuse. Too many bad examples. 

I just don't want this to be my identity anymore.

There have been some incredible Christians along the way that have done (and are doing) amazing and incredible good in the world. But people who aren't Christians have also done amazing and incredible good in the world. The kinship of human spirit is more powerful to me than the kinship of a religious label.

 “Being a Christian” doesn’t give me life anymore. It’s not how I want to be known anymore. It’s not how I want to spend my time anymore. 

And so, since I’m a fully grown person with a fully autonomous spirit, I’ve decided to drop the label.

Maybe someday, I'll come back around. Maybe at some point in my life I'll be ready to settle down and make my home in the imperfect heritage I'm releasing for now. That's one thing I do appreciate about Christianity: it's always willing to take you back. But for now, it's thrilling and exciting to imagine myself as something other than what I've always been.

Next week I’ll get into how my beliefs have changed in such a way that “Christian,” problematic connotations aside, no longer accurately describes my beliefs. I don’t hate Jesus or hate God, I actually love them. But I no longer think that Christianity describes who I've come to know God to be. But more on that in the coming weeks.

AFFIRMATION

If the shoe fits, wear it.

And if the shoe doesn’t fit,

you’re allowed to take it off

And go shopping for one that does,

Or decide that you’re not really a shoe person at all

And that you’d rather just go barefoot all the time

Even if that means sometimes

Your toes get a little cold.

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My religious label isn't the only thing that's changing. Over the next few weeks I'll be rolling out some new offerings and ideas for spiritual misfits like you. Stay tuned, and I'll see you next week for Part 2. Have a wonderful week and thanks for being a safe place for me to share all this.

Your not-a-Christian-but-otherwise-still-the-same-person friend,

Joy